THE 48 LAWS OF LOVE: Law number 9 – Age ain't nothing but a number

[lady lynxx]

Law number 9 – Age ain’t nothing but a number

Premise - “Age ain’t nothing but a number; throwing down ain’t nothing but a thang.
This lovin’ I have for you, it’ll never change.” – Aaliyah (R.I.P) circa 1993

Love and relationships with an age gap – can they work? Are they ethical? Can they survive realistically? All questions that I’ve asked myself while I was growing up and that I still do now that I am I suppose, grown. It is a tricky subject at the best of times and has been more popular in the “older man – obscenely younger woman” incarnation for centuries. It’s only now in this brave new world that it’s more common to see a hot young stud with a “seasoned pussy” (thanks LadyBass) owning cougar (a la Ashton and Demi – lucky woman). But the thing is, the emotional dynamics as regards to males and females are very different.

Before embarking on a relationship where the age gap between you and your intended is somewhat vast, you need to consider a few things if you want something lasting.
First of all, think of yourself first (selfish I know!); you need to be aware where you’re going and where you see yourself in a few years. Once you are sure about that, then think about where the other partner in the equation wants to be in the future.

In the case of older women chasing younger men, please bear in mind that if he is under 30 years of age, he is unlikely to be thinking of settling down anytime soon – and why should he? You’ve lived your life to the full and are just now thinking of starting a family so why shouldn’t he? Also if you already have kids, why is it fair for you to expect him to embrace all your baggage when he is still young and in his prime? This is what I don’t understand about some women; they want a hot young guy, yet get heart broken when he still wants to go out clubbing with the boys and in many respects, most men under 30 still have the mindset of a 21 year old.

That been said, all is not so bleak; some guys actually want an older woman and will assume a traditionally masculine role as husband, father and provider (again, check out the pic of Demi Moore ironing Ashton Kutcher’s suit – very domestic, very traditionally wifely thing to do). But I wonder if that relationship will last? You see there comes a time in every man’s life that he wants to have a child and he wants to be master of all he surveys on his own terms. What will Demi do if she can’t conceive another child? Most of all, would she want to…I’m sure she is happy that her diaper changing days are over – but who knows? I can only speculate as I don’t know them personally. This is just a thought.

Anyway, to all the older women out there, don’t let me be the bearer of bad tidings; you never know, your younger man might be the best thing that ever happened to you. Well at least the insatiable sexual appetite of his youthful virility will be!

Moving on to the other side of the spectrum; young women and older men. This is a dicey topic for me. Ever since I was a teen, I’ve always seen such relationships as borderline paedophilic; I used to cringe when men over 40 would try and hit on me. I personally have never been one for what I used to call “Grandpa” relationships, but I’ve since changed my tune slightly since discovering that Keanu Reeves will be 45 years old this year (“what!” I screamed, “You mean he’s too old for me? He doesn’t look a day over 34…”). So I’ve kind of seen another side to the coin; ie, I don’t mind if he’s somewhat older than me, just long as he doesn’t “look” old. There, I compromised.

The thing about being with an older man sometimes, is their attitudes; I experienced this first hand watching my parents as I grew up. My father is significantly older than my mother (think over 20 years) so their problem was that, he didn’t seem to realise that he could no longer speak to her as though she was still a wide-eyed sixteen year old anymore. Also she no longer hung on to his every word or believed/agreed with his point of view all the time. As you can imagine this caused problems.

I’ve seen this pattern with other such couples too; the women lose their innocence and the men are too set in their ways to deal with the change. The simple fact is that a young woman of 16 and a grown woman of 28 and over, will not have the same dreams and goals. Once you’ve grown up and got your priorities straight, the thought of living with someone who doesn’t want the music turned up too loud or goes to bed at 10pm every night becomes less and less appealing. We ladies need to understand that before embarking on a relationship with an older man, it is important to remember that he is just that; an older man.

Add wealth to the mix, and he might see you as just another expensive yet beautiful asset that demands upkeep; also just like a Ferrari or Lambo, he might even replace you with a new model in the following year. Also, if your idea of fun isn’t spending the evening watching TV with your dad, then you need to be aware that being with an older man may not be much different once he reaches a certain age. He might want to start winding down in life – and why shouldn’t he? Being older means (for most people) that you have worked hard and paid your dues – chillin’ out at home with a good bottle of wine isn’t too much to ask for after that.

Older men will also more often than not, come with children, ex-wives, some actually wives (for you cheaters) and extended family that you will probably have to meet and/or possibly entertain. There is also the fact that he may not want any more kids, so your plans of running after your offspring from his seed may be spectaculalarly dashed.

In conclusion, I ask; age ain’t nothing but a number, or is it? There are already a million hurdles that we have to go over in order to find true love; is adding age to the mix an idealistic folly? I don’t have the answer to that, but I’ll say that love in this day and age comes in all forms. Sometimes, it is a challenge, but your gut will tell you in the end if a person is right for you; it is up to you to decide whether what they come with is worth your time.

At the end of the day; every situation will have its pros and cons, each individual will know what best fits them and each situation is different. I am only seeing things from my own perspective and the purpose of this blog is to bring awareness to the possible full picture before jumping into the scene head first.

Discuss….


New week’s law: Law number 10 – Hobbies

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