...literary crack on ice
THE 48 LAWS OF LOVE: Law number 6 – Sex – Making love....
Scroll down for Law number 5 - Sex - the general things!
Premise - "There are a few feelings on this earth that I would make a killing from if I could only bottle and sell them - making love is definitely in the top ten" Lady Lynxx circa 2004
Law number 6 – Sex – Making love
This is the best kind of sex! I said the best! Aim high and aim to reach this level of sex with your partner. You can thank me once you’ve reached it! You’re all very welcome! And yes it is a whole law onto itself so it needed its very own chapter!
When you can reach this sexual ‘Nirvana’ all the regular sex that you ever had up until that point will seem like a cheap Louis V imitation in comparison; there is nothing like it in my opinion. This is not like the fluffy, romanticized dream of sex like in a ladies romance novel; I’m talking about that feeling of complete oneness with your partner, when the sex is almost like an event. It feels like your team just won the Superbowl or like when your hairdresser gives you a style that makes you look like a movie star. Making love is one of those things that you think about on the way to work and it makes you shudder with passion inside; in fact, it’s feels almost a as good as THAT diamond engagement ring.
Now this chapter is really dedicated to those that are already in a relationship and are moving towards a deeper emotional level; all those things that I just said in that last paragraph sound good on paper, but are certainly not easy to achieve. A few things need to be in place before you can get that good good sex thang going on.
Start off by analysing your current sex life; think about all the things that are good about it and the not so good. What can you do for your partner to make their enjoyment more heightened? Also, what can your partner do for you that you would like more of? Now once you’ve done this on your own, it’s now time to talk about it with your partner. I suggest you talk about it in the most relaxed way possible and don’t make him or her feel like it’s some kind of test; talk about the sex you’ve had together and try to extract each other’s likes and dislikes. This is just a start.
Once you’ve broken that barrier and can talk frankly about sex, you need to work on getting to know each other better. Hopefully at this point you’re already in love with the said person, so talking about each other’s hopes and dreams in life shouldn’t be difficult. Believe it or not, good sex is also about knowing each other’s characters and not just the physical aspects. What I’m trying to explain here, is the attempt to build a spiritual bond between two people;once you have that down, you can now attempt to move on the next thing. Intimacy.
Siren mentioned it below and quite rightly so; intimacy is one of the main ingredients necessary for true love-making to take place. You know what it is; that thing that you can see in two people that love each other deeply. It could be something as simple as a brush on the arm or a stolen kiss; but when an outsider is looking in on it, they feel like they are intruding on something private. Being intimate with another individual is not just the sex; it’s also being able to know exactly what your partner is saying to you without even having to speak. Off the top of my head, I can think of a few examples of intimate couples; you can tell that their affection for each other is rich and genuine rather than for show like the majority of celebs out there. When you look at Barack and Michelle Obama or Jada and Will; you can just tell that there is a strong bond between them. They are each other’s best friend and within each couple there is a complimentary effect. Such things are built over time and will eventually outlast the thrill of the initial “can’t keep our hands off each other” phase. The best thing about intimacy is that those who don’t have it want it. It’s up to you to work hard WITH your other half to get this far; if you put in enough work, I’m sure that you can achieve it in the end.
Okay we’ve now reached the final hurdle! The actual act of love-making itself! Before I go any further, I’m not going to go into the detail of telling you what positions you need to be doing or how frequently you should be doing it or whatever. This is just at the end of the day what it says it’s is; it is a guide. Hopefully it should all come naturally at this point, but here are a few tips:
1. Be a giver – if you don’t already do it, go out of your way to please your other half. If he is a man (just for example) and you wanna know what really gets him off, make him show you by demonstrating on himself. Watch him touch himself and pay attention to what his hands and eyes are doing. Men are probably better at showing than describing what they like anyways (no, we won’t mention when they bark out commands in this blog!). The same goes for the ladies – get your man to watch you make yourself come from start to finish. There’s no point being shy about your body, cos the chances are that he’s seen all you’ve got anyway. The fact that you’ve got this far in your relationship anyway means that he probably loves everything about you. Now is your chance to bask in the glory of being a woman; trust me, being comfortable with your body will turn him on.
2. Be a receiver – sometimes, it’s nice to have a person’s undivided attention isn’t it? That wonderful period of time when you other half is determined to give you more pleasure than you can even handle and won’t stop until…well y’all know where I’m going. This is where I think all of you men reading this can really shine; now I don’t mean this in a feminist way when I say that penis worship has gone on for too long!
I’m not saying that polishing a chocolate stick isn’t one of my favourite things to do on Sunday morning, but I’m just saying that men need to be as enthusiastic about heading south as women are expected to be.
You men need to understand that women are not as complicated as they seem; if you can make love to a woman and make her feel like a queen, I can almost guarantee you that she won’t leave you. Or if she does, it will take her a long ass time. Also don’t believe in that good guys finish last crap – most women are looking for the security of a reliable man. They want to be looked after (but not patronised) and loved by their mate; they want someone that will treat them like a lady, but also isn’t a chump.
It’s up to you to make yourself irreplaceable to your woman; rose petals leading to the bedroom might be a cliché (and she’s probably have to vacuum them afterwards) but it works and it shows that you are thoughtful. Give her a relaxing massage or run the bath and soak in it together, kiss her all over from head to toe or even whisper how much you love her in her ear. It’s all mushy stuff, but it’s true that most chicks reading this would love their man to do it to them. if you don’t believe me, ask them!
A small note to the ladies; don’t forget than men should be ‘receivers’ too sometimes, but I know that most out you go out of your way to spoil them anyway!
3. it’s a two way street – at the end of the day, the quality of your love-making depends on how much you are both willing to give. Good luck with it and above all, enjoy it!
Thoughts?
New week’s law: Law number 7 – Personal Hygiene
Premise - "the ball is in your court."
Yes, this is the one you’ve all been waiting for! Sex, sex, sex and if you ain’t getting it then you ain’t living! Yeah, yeah, yeah; that’s what they tell you. But sensitive souls like me find it very difficult to separate love and sex; in saying that sex is very important in every relationship. Forget what anyone tells you. It is in my opinion that bad sex can literally ruin a relationship. Both sides need to be committed to this and put in work!
Nowadays, there are so many self-help books and blogs related to the topic of sex; they range from how to spice up your sex life, talking about your sexual fantasies, discovering your sexual self and even, a Youtube offering entitled “how to ride your man.” With all this said, sex is all around us and we can’t escape from it. Its here to stay, so you might as well try to find out a way to make your sex life (or lack of it thereof,) work for you. So what am I going to say that hasn’t been said before? Not much at all, this is just a reminder of sorts. I for one, believe that sex has been cheapened in the modern world for the most part, and women especially need to realise that it can be used as a very powerful tool (gold-diggers anybody?)
A woman can literally use sex to make or break a relationship; throughout my upbringing, I’ve always heard the same phrase from my male counterparts. They always say “women control the relationship.” Another catchphrase also comes to mind at this point, “I have the pussy, I make the rules.”
If you think I’m talking rubbish, just think about this factoid; the average woman can use her body to put herself through college without much outside help at all. A woman can also use her body to get ahead in the office; she just has to watch out for those pesky ashy knees from assuming the “position” so frequently. A woman can use her body to get a free night on the town, a free meal, free clothes and for the real G’s, a free home/car.
Sex and how you (this tip is for the ladies) use it is very, very important indeed; I’m not condoning being a whore, I’m just saying that we need to realise the power that we were born with. We don’t even need to create a product to make money; a woman potentially has a God given money making machine built in! Well that’s a terrible way to look at it, but sadly in this day and age it’s very true.
So, I hear you ask, what does that entire ramble have to do with love then? It isn’t an easy answer, but I will try to explain; for those that are looking for a new situation or have just embarked upon one, I urge you to resist the temptation to have sex too early. I’m not gonna do a Steve Harvey and put a minimum time limit on this, but I am a firm believer in making him wait. That is what is going to separate you from all the other chicks that your prospective man has had all his life. Now before anyone says this, I know that there are some exceptions to the rule; there are some one night standees that have ended up married or in long-term relationships, but such cases are rare.
For those of you that have a high sex drive (yes guys, such women do exist!) I can only advise you to invest in a magic bullet if you have to, to stave off the craving; this is especially useful if of he is a hot one and has everything you want in a mate.
Don’t bend to him if he is pressurising you or if he is trying to manipulate you into sex. If at all possible, don’t let him into your home for any reason or be alone together for too long so you won’t be put in a position to be seduced. Will power ladies! Once he no longer expects you to allow him sex, the scales should tip in your favor and if he is worthy of you, he will begin to look at you as a serious relationship prospect. The best result is if he falls in love with you…because ultimately, that is the point!
Love and sex can go hand in hand beautifully if done correctly; if your goal is a long-term deep and meaningful relationship, it is up to you to make the sex also deep and meaningful and not a quick fling that he will soon forget. It’s up to you ladies, make it work and holding back will help you to weed through the assholes very quickly. Most men that want just sex from a woman won’t be able to go without it for too long; or they usually slip up and cheat with another chick that will.
“The chick that will.”
This phrase came up on BallerAlert.com a few weeks back and it got me thinking a lot; this “chick that will”, yes we all know that they exist, but the difference between yourself and this female, is your respective motive in life.
I will assume for the sake of argument, that most “chicks that will” are either attention seekers, generally have sex just for the pleasure of having sex, gold-diggers or low-self esteemed individuals. Everybody has a motive for whatever they do; but ladies, please do not fear the “chick that will.” You need to make yourself secure enough to know that you can make it on your own if such a chick has the power to break up your relationship.
Don’t feel that you have to put out earlier than your are comfortable with because if you don’t some other chick will. If that’s her M.O. then let her do that; a real man will respect you for having morals and principles of your own that will not be swayed. It takes a strong woman to hold her head up high and not fold when all around her are giving in; ladies remember that you have as much power in your relationship (if not more) than the proverbial “chick that will.” In fact, studies show that men that have affairs (obviously with the “chick that will”) rarely leave their spouses and those that do usually end up breaking up with that chick anyway.
Men are genetically pre-dispositioned to fuck; it is wired to their brains and unfortunately, most young men (scratch that, men in general) will cheat if given the chance. That’s just the way it is; but at the same time, they also crave a strong woman that will deny them sex for a while at least. That part of them is the “chase” gene that they are also born with. Basically, give it up too quickly and they lose interest, but keep em dangling for a while and they will want you so bad.
It’s rare to find a man that associates sex with love, so even though this “chick that will” has gotten his attention for a minute, you can keep his attention for a lifetime by having integrity and being a solid, reliable person. Less is more, even in an already steady relationship or marriage, building up to sex has been proven to keep the love life sparkling.
I once overheard some of my male friends talking one day (guy talk and they didn’t realise I was around the corner) say that they didn’t like it when their girlfriends gave it up too easily! I thought to myself, wow! These guys had been in long-term relationships (at least two years or more a piece) and they still wanted to chase? It was definitely an eye-opener. It’s great for a woman to initiate sex sometimes, but it is way better to tease him and make him chase you for it!
For the men reading this; holding back on sex can bode well for you too. She is going to be wondering why you’re not going for it when she’s throwing it up at you, but not tapping that ass at first opportunity will make you special in her eyes. Okay, once she’s realised that you’re not gay, you don’t have any STD’s and you are not physically challenged in anyway, she will become intrigued. Think about it, nine out of ten men would sleep with her given the chance and you’re the 1% that doesn’t? You have just tipped the scales in your favour my friend; the lady (if she wants a long-term thing) will be forced to take you more seriously and may even consider making you exclusive. Okay, I’m not giving the men anymore tips on this cos y’all are usually the aggressors and women need all the help they can get!
In conclusion, my advice to you is to make sex special. Make it count and make it memorable. Don’t let it be the only high point of your relationship and once you do embark upon that realm, both parties need to put in work. Sex in a good relationship should be giving and gratifying to both of you; there should be a balance and not one person doing the most work.
Talk to each other; find out each others likes and dislikes in the bedroom and then compromise on them. Aim to make each other happy and satisfy the other person; in theory you should both end up fulfilled. Then onto the next topic regarding sexual intercourse; making love. But you’ll have to wait until next week for that one!
Thoughts?
New week’s law: Law number 5 – Sex – making love!
Link to the orignal blog and comments on balleralert.com
http://balleralert.ning.com/profiles/blogs/the-48-laws-of-love-law-...
© Lady Lynxx 2009
Premise - "There are a few feelings on this earth that I would make a killing from if I could only bottle and sell them - making love is definitely in the top ten" Lady Lynxx circa 2004
Law number 6 – Sex – Making love
This is the best kind of sex! I said the best! Aim high and aim to reach this level of sex with your partner. You can thank me once you’ve reached it! You’re all very welcome! And yes it is a whole law onto itself so it needed its very own chapter!
When you can reach this sexual ‘Nirvana’ all the regular sex that you ever had up until that point will seem like a cheap Louis V imitation in comparison; there is nothing like it in my opinion. This is not like the fluffy, romanticized dream of sex like in a ladies romance novel; I’m talking about that feeling of complete oneness with your partner, when the sex is almost like an event. It feels like your team just won the Superbowl or like when your hairdresser gives you a style that makes you look like a movie star. Making love is one of those things that you think about on the way to work and it makes you shudder with passion inside; in fact, it’s feels almost a as good as THAT diamond engagement ring.
Now this chapter is really dedicated to those that are already in a relationship and are moving towards a deeper emotional level; all those things that I just said in that last paragraph sound good on paper, but are certainly not easy to achieve. A few things need to be in place before you can get that good good sex thang going on.
Start off by analysing your current sex life; think about all the things that are good about it and the not so good. What can you do for your partner to make their enjoyment more heightened? Also, what can your partner do for you that you would like more of? Now once you’ve done this on your own, it’s now time to talk about it with your partner. I suggest you talk about it in the most relaxed way possible and don’t make him or her feel like it’s some kind of test; talk about the sex you’ve had together and try to extract each other’s likes and dislikes. This is just a start.
Once you’ve broken that barrier and can talk frankly about sex, you need to work on getting to know each other better. Hopefully at this point you’re already in love with the said person, so talking about each other’s hopes and dreams in life shouldn’t be difficult. Believe it or not, good sex is also about knowing each other’s characters and not just the physical aspects. What I’m trying to explain here, is the attempt to build a spiritual bond between two people;once you have that down, you can now attempt to move on the next thing. Intimacy.
Siren mentioned it below and quite rightly so; intimacy is one of the main ingredients necessary for true love-making to take place. You know what it is; that thing that you can see in two people that love each other deeply. It could be something as simple as a brush on the arm or a stolen kiss; but when an outsider is looking in on it, they feel like they are intruding on something private. Being intimate with another individual is not just the sex; it’s also being able to know exactly what your partner is saying to you without even having to speak. Off the top of my head, I can think of a few examples of intimate couples; you can tell that their affection for each other is rich and genuine rather than for show like the majority of celebs out there. When you look at Barack and Michelle Obama or Jada and Will; you can just tell that there is a strong bond between them. They are each other’s best friend and within each couple there is a complimentary effect. Such things are built over time and will eventually outlast the thrill of the initial “can’t keep our hands off each other” phase. The best thing about intimacy is that those who don’t have it want it. It’s up to you to work hard WITH your other half to get this far; if you put in enough work, I’m sure that you can achieve it in the end.
Okay we’ve now reached the final hurdle! The actual act of love-making itself! Before I go any further, I’m not going to go into the detail of telling you what positions you need to be doing or how frequently you should be doing it or whatever. This is just at the end of the day what it says it’s is; it is a guide. Hopefully it should all come naturally at this point, but here are a few tips:
1. Be a giver – if you don’t already do it, go out of your way to please your other half. If he is a man (just for example) and you wanna know what really gets him off, make him show you by demonstrating on himself. Watch him touch himself and pay attention to what his hands and eyes are doing. Men are probably better at showing than describing what they like anyways (no, we won’t mention when they bark out commands in this blog!). The same goes for the ladies – get your man to watch you make yourself come from start to finish. There’s no point being shy about your body, cos the chances are that he’s seen all you’ve got anyway. The fact that you’ve got this far in your relationship anyway means that he probably loves everything about you. Now is your chance to bask in the glory of being a woman; trust me, being comfortable with your body will turn him on.
2. Be a receiver – sometimes, it’s nice to have a person’s undivided attention isn’t it? That wonderful period of time when you other half is determined to give you more pleasure than you can even handle and won’t stop until…well y’all know where I’m going. This is where I think all of you men reading this can really shine; now I don’t mean this in a feminist way when I say that penis worship has gone on for too long!
I’m not saying that polishing a chocolate stick isn’t one of my favourite things to do on Sunday morning, but I’m just saying that men need to be as enthusiastic about heading south as women are expected to be.
You men need to understand that women are not as complicated as they seem; if you can make love to a woman and make her feel like a queen, I can almost guarantee you that she won’t leave you. Or if she does, it will take her a long ass time. Also don’t believe in that good guys finish last crap – most women are looking for the security of a reliable man. They want to be looked after (but not patronised) and loved by their mate; they want someone that will treat them like a lady, but also isn’t a chump.
It’s up to you to make yourself irreplaceable to your woman; rose petals leading to the bedroom might be a cliché (and she’s probably have to vacuum them afterwards) but it works and it shows that you are thoughtful. Give her a relaxing massage or run the bath and soak in it together, kiss her all over from head to toe or even whisper how much you love her in her ear. It’s all mushy stuff, but it’s true that most chicks reading this would love their man to do it to them. if you don’t believe me, ask them!
A small note to the ladies; don’t forget than men should be ‘receivers’ too sometimes, but I know that most out you go out of your way to spoil them anyway!
3. it’s a two way street – at the end of the day, the quality of your love-making depends on how much you are both willing to give. Good luck with it and above all, enjoy it!
Thoughts?
New week’s law: Law number 7 – Personal Hygiene
Premise - "the ball is in your court."
Yes, this is the one you’ve all been waiting for! Sex, sex, sex and if you ain’t getting it then you ain’t living! Yeah, yeah, yeah; that’s what they tell you. But sensitive souls like me find it very difficult to separate love and sex; in saying that sex is very important in every relationship. Forget what anyone tells you. It is in my opinion that bad sex can literally ruin a relationship. Both sides need to be committed to this and put in work!
Nowadays, there are so many self-help books and blogs related to the topic of sex; they range from how to spice up your sex life, talking about your sexual fantasies, discovering your sexual self and even, a Youtube offering entitled “how to ride your man.” With all this said, sex is all around us and we can’t escape from it. Its here to stay, so you might as well try to find out a way to make your sex life (or lack of it thereof,) work for you. So what am I going to say that hasn’t been said before? Not much at all, this is just a reminder of sorts. I for one, believe that sex has been cheapened in the modern world for the most part, and women especially need to realise that it can be used as a very powerful tool (gold-diggers anybody?)
A woman can literally use sex to make or break a relationship; throughout my upbringing, I’ve always heard the same phrase from my male counterparts. They always say “women control the relationship.” Another catchphrase also comes to mind at this point, “I have the pussy, I make the rules.”
If you think I’m talking rubbish, just think about this factoid; the average woman can use her body to put herself through college without much outside help at all. A woman can also use her body to get ahead in the office; she just has to watch out for those pesky ashy knees from assuming the “position” so frequently. A woman can use her body to get a free night on the town, a free meal, free clothes and for the real G’s, a free home/car.
Sex and how you (this tip is for the ladies) use it is very, very important indeed; I’m not condoning being a whore, I’m just saying that we need to realise the power that we were born with. We don’t even need to create a product to make money; a woman potentially has a God given money making machine built in! Well that’s a terrible way to look at it, but sadly in this day and age it’s very true.
So, I hear you ask, what does that entire ramble have to do with love then? It isn’t an easy answer, but I will try to explain; for those that are looking for a new situation or have just embarked upon one, I urge you to resist the temptation to have sex too early. I’m not gonna do a Steve Harvey and put a minimum time limit on this, but I am a firm believer in making him wait. That is what is going to separate you from all the other chicks that your prospective man has had all his life. Now before anyone says this, I know that there are some exceptions to the rule; there are some one night standees that have ended up married or in long-term relationships, but such cases are rare.
For those of you that have a high sex drive (yes guys, such women do exist!) I can only advise you to invest in a magic bullet if you have to, to stave off the craving; this is especially useful if of he is a hot one and has everything you want in a mate.
Don’t bend to him if he is pressurising you or if he is trying to manipulate you into sex. If at all possible, don’t let him into your home for any reason or be alone together for too long so you won’t be put in a position to be seduced. Will power ladies! Once he no longer expects you to allow him sex, the scales should tip in your favor and if he is worthy of you, he will begin to look at you as a serious relationship prospect. The best result is if he falls in love with you…because ultimately, that is the point!
Love and sex can go hand in hand beautifully if done correctly; if your goal is a long-term deep and meaningful relationship, it is up to you to make the sex also deep and meaningful and not a quick fling that he will soon forget. It’s up to you ladies, make it work and holding back will help you to weed through the assholes very quickly. Most men that want just sex from a woman won’t be able to go without it for too long; or they usually slip up and cheat with another chick that will.
“The chick that will.”
This phrase came up on BallerAlert.com a few weeks back and it got me thinking a lot; this “chick that will”, yes we all know that they exist, but the difference between yourself and this female, is your respective motive in life.
I will assume for the sake of argument, that most “chicks that will” are either attention seekers, generally have sex just for the pleasure of having sex, gold-diggers or low-self esteemed individuals. Everybody has a motive for whatever they do; but ladies, please do not fear the “chick that will.” You need to make yourself secure enough to know that you can make it on your own if such a chick has the power to break up your relationship.
Don’t feel that you have to put out earlier than your are comfortable with because if you don’t some other chick will. If that’s her M.O. then let her do that; a real man will respect you for having morals and principles of your own that will not be swayed. It takes a strong woman to hold her head up high and not fold when all around her are giving in; ladies remember that you have as much power in your relationship (if not more) than the proverbial “chick that will.” In fact, studies show that men that have affairs (obviously with the “chick that will”) rarely leave their spouses and those that do usually end up breaking up with that chick anyway.
Men are genetically pre-dispositioned to fuck; it is wired to their brains and unfortunately, most young men (scratch that, men in general) will cheat if given the chance. That’s just the way it is; but at the same time, they also crave a strong woman that will deny them sex for a while at least. That part of them is the “chase” gene that they are also born with. Basically, give it up too quickly and they lose interest, but keep em dangling for a while and they will want you so bad.
It’s rare to find a man that associates sex with love, so even though this “chick that will” has gotten his attention for a minute, you can keep his attention for a lifetime by having integrity and being a solid, reliable person. Less is more, even in an already steady relationship or marriage, building up to sex has been proven to keep the love life sparkling.
I once overheard some of my male friends talking one day (guy talk and they didn’t realise I was around the corner) say that they didn’t like it when their girlfriends gave it up too easily! I thought to myself, wow! These guys had been in long-term relationships (at least two years or more a piece) and they still wanted to chase? It was definitely an eye-opener. It’s great for a woman to initiate sex sometimes, but it is way better to tease him and make him chase you for it!
For the men reading this; holding back on sex can bode well for you too. She is going to be wondering why you’re not going for it when she’s throwing it up at you, but not tapping that ass at first opportunity will make you special in her eyes. Okay, once she’s realised that you’re not gay, you don’t have any STD’s and you are not physically challenged in anyway, she will become intrigued. Think about it, nine out of ten men would sleep with her given the chance and you’re the 1% that doesn’t? You have just tipped the scales in your favour my friend; the lady (if she wants a long-term thing) will be forced to take you more seriously and may even consider making you exclusive. Okay, I’m not giving the men anymore tips on this cos y’all are usually the aggressors and women need all the help they can get!
In conclusion, my advice to you is to make sex special. Make it count and make it memorable. Don’t let it be the only high point of your relationship and once you do embark upon that realm, both parties need to put in work. Sex in a good relationship should be giving and gratifying to both of you; there should be a balance and not one person doing the most work.
Talk to each other; find out each others likes and dislikes in the bedroom and then compromise on them. Aim to make each other happy and satisfy the other person; in theory you should both end up fulfilled. Then onto the next topic regarding sexual intercourse; making love. But you’ll have to wait until next week for that one!
Thoughts?
New week’s law: Law number 5 – Sex – making love!
Link to the orignal blog and comments on balleralert.com
http://balleralert.ning.com/profiles/blogs/the-48-laws-of-love-law-...
© Lady Lynxx 2009
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